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Better Call Saul[]

Jimmy: "They gave me, look. I'm validated for the entire day, okay? Five stickers, six stickers, I don't know from stickers because I was in that court back there saving people's lives, so ..."
Mike: "Well, gee, that's swell. And thank you for restoring my faith in the judicial system. Now you either pay the $3, or you go back inside and you get an additional sticker."
―Mike squaring off with Jimmy over his "validation"[src]

Jimmy: "But why? Why not run?"
Mike: "Now, that's what everybody expects. It's human nature to want to stay close to home, and if this Kettleman figured out how to do it, that's what he did. Nobody wants to leave home."
―Mike offering his insight on the Kettlemans' disappearance.[src]

Jimmy: "What you reading there? The complete annotated book of rules for parking validation?"
Mike: "No, the rules for parking validation are actually pretty simple. Most people get it on the first try."
Jimmy: "Well, you'll be pleased to know I have the requisite stickers."
Mike: "Well, be still my heart."
―Mike banters with Jimmy as the latter is leaving.[src]

"He wasn't dirty! God damn you! You get that through your head! My son wasn't dirty!"
―Mike on the extremely rare case of losing his temper to Stacey.[src]

Hoffman: "What do we do now?"
Fensky: "Hey. Grief it's a bitch. He couldn't live with it Matt dying the way he did. It's too much for the old man. So Mikey here decided to eat his gun. It's tragic, but anyone could see this coming, hmm? He's drinking himself to death. We're doing him a favor."
Mike: "(standing straight with a pistol aimed) Smart. That's what I would have done if I were you."
―Mike luring Hoffman and Fensky into a shootout[src]

"You know what a cop fears most? More than getting shot, more than anything? Prison. Getting locked up with everybody you put away. You threaten a cop with that, you make him dangerous, and that's what I told him. I talked sense. No one was getting hurt. But if you go to the I.A., if you even look like you're going. He had a wife, a kid, responsibilities. Take the money. Do something good with it. Well I tried. I tried. But he wouldn't listen. My boy was stubborn. My boy was strong. And he was gonna get himself killed. So I told him... I told him I did it, too. That I was like Hoffman, getting by, and that's what you heard that night: me talking him down, him kicking and screaming until the fight went out of him. He put me up on a pedestal, and I had to show him that I was down in the gutter with the rest of 'em. I broke my boy..."
―Mike's monologue about how he disappointed his son.[src]

Sobchak: "So, what you packing?"
Mike: "A pimento."
Sobchak: "Sorry, what?"
Mike: "Pimento sandwich."
Sobchak: "That's funny. Pimento. No, I mean, what are you carrying? You know, the piece? What's the make?"
Mike: "Pimento is a cheese. They call it the caviar of the south."
―Sobchack questions Mike over his choice of weapon (and lack thereof.)[src]

Mike: "The lesson is, if you're gonna be a criminal, do your homework."
Daniel Wormald: "Wait. I'm not a bad guy."
Mike: "I didn't say you were a bad guy, I said you're a criminal."
Daniel Wormald: "What's the difference?"
Mike: "I've known good criminals and bad cops. Bad priests. Honorable thieves. You can be on one side of the law or the other. But if you make a deal with somebody, you keep your word. You can go home today with your money and never do this again. But you took something that wasn't yours. And you sold it for a profit. You are now a criminal. Good one, bad one? That's up to you."
―Mike lectures Daniel Wormald on criminality.[src]

Mike: "This business requires restraint. That is the opposite of restraint."
Daniel Wormald: "But I like it. I mean, I'm proud of it."
Mike: "Good. Then you be proud of it on your own time, but not with me."
―Mike refusing to drive with David in the latter's new gaudy Humvee.[src]

"The way I figure, you saw that midlife crisis of a vehicle and wisely decided to cut ties with the man, and I don't blame you. I did, too. But then you ripped him off. And I'm sure those baseball cards looked like an easy way to make a few extra bucks off that idiot. Teach him a lesson, too. But you underestimated just how big an idiot you were dealing with."
―Mike confronting Nacho over the latter's actions against Daniel Wormald.[src]

Mike: "So, I pull in next to him, assuming there's a parking spot."
Nacho: "Our guys park next to him. They come and go from the same spot. Last one takes off, you're open."
Mike: "Someone comes in behind me, I'm blocked."
Nacho: "Who's gonna pull in behind you?"
Mike: "Well, I'm guessing someone who likes tacos."
―Mike points out flaws in Nacho's plan to kill Tuco.[src]

"You're sure about this? Killing your partner - that's a bell you don't un-ring."
―Mike to Nacho.[src]

Mike: "Now, you're gonna have to wear these if you're gonna handle the heavy machinery."
Kaylee: "W-why don't you have to wear them?"
Mike: "Because Pop-Pop's a grown-up, and grown-ups get to be stupid."
―Mike, with his granddaughter.[src]

Mike: "Wait. (Gus turns back to face Mike.) You want his trucks hit because you wanna disrupt his supply line. Hector's your competition."
Gus: "Why do you ask?"
Mike: "Because I'm not done with Hector Salamanca."
―Mike deducing Gus's reasons for calling him out.[src]

Gustavo: "Would you care to know why I stopped you from killing Hector?"
Mike: "Like you said it wasn't in your interest."
Gustavo: "A bullet to the head would have been far too humane."
―Gus to Mike about Hector.[src]

Mike: "Good thing I charged my battery. I'd be going at it like Fred Flintstone, otherwise."
Chuck: "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! - [Whirring stops] I understood there would be no power tools of any kind."
Mike: "What? A screwdriver and a hammer? Turns a morning job into two days with me, myself, and Bengay. But it's your call."
―Mike disguised as a handyman to sneak into Chuck's house to gather evidence for Jimmy.[src]

"I've got a problem I think you can help me with. I've got cash I can't spend. About $200,000. If anything happens to me, my family'll never see it. Now, it seems to me you opened this place to solve a similar problem."
―Mike begins his business relationship with Gus.[src]

Mike: "I waltz through security with someone else's ID. Nobody gives me a second look. When the rightful owner shows up, there's no facility-wide badge check. I find access doors left unlocked or propped open, passwords written on Post-it notes. Warehouse workers are using pen and paper instead of electronic inventory devices, which leaves you wide open to pilfering. You got duplicate routing numbers on cargo, surveillance camera blind spots on the north and the east side of the floor, inventory documents that are going into the trash instead of being shredded, not to mention loading equipment being driven at unsafe speeds and crews disregarding safe..."
Madrigal manager: "Wait. Wait. Hold on. Hold on. Who are you, exactly?"
Mike: "Ehrmantraut. Security consultant."
Madrigal manager: "Well, all due respect, I don't know anything about a security consultant."
Mike: "Well, you wouldn't, would you? Maybe you'd best call corporate. Try Lydia Rodarte-Quayle."
―Mike taking his role of security consultant a little too seriously.[src]

Mike: "You wanted to see me, here I am."
Gus: "In order for our arrangement to continue, there is a matter we need to discuss."
Mike: "Okay."
Gus: "Do you have something to tell me? If you do, you would be well-advised to do so."
Mike: "Nacho Varga. I wondered when you were gonna get around to this."
Gus: "You came to me. You asked for a favor. You looked me in the eye, you shook my hand. And all the while, you knew Varga was moving against my interests."
Mike: "I said I wouldn't kill Salamanca. I never promised to be his bodyguard. So... what now? If you're gonna make a move, you better make it. But they're not gonna, are they? You brought me here because you have an ask. So why don't you stop running a game on me and just tell me about the job?"
―Gus testing Mike.[src]

Nacho: "I'm not telling you shit until we talk about my dad!"
Mike: "What you tell me and when you say it is not up to you."
Nacho: "Listen. You said when Lalo's out of the picture, we'll talk about my father, right? Well, he's out of the picture!"
Mike: "...Say your piece."
Nacho: "I'm done! I want out."
Mike: "And you want me to square it with Fring?"
Nacho: "Fring's not all of it. It's the cartel. I disappear, they're gonna go after my father. He's gotta come with me. But no matter what I say with him, it's the cops or nothing."
Mike: "The cops won't solve this."
Nacho: "[pause] You got a way?"
Mike: "Hm. What are you holding out?"
Nacho: "Lalo called me from inside. He put me back in charge."
Mike: "And?"
Nacho: "And... he wants me to burn down Los Pollos Hermanos."
Mike: "[pause] Then, he's not out of the picture, is he?"
―Nacho confessing to Mike that Lalo is still in the game despite his incarceration.[src]

"I have people. I have people waiting for me. They don't know what I do, they never will. They're protected, but I do what I do so they can have a better life and if I live or if I die it really doesn't make a difference to me as long as they have what they need. So when it's my time to go, I will go knowing I did everything I could for them. Now, you ask me how I keep going? That's how."
―Mike to Jimmmy[src]

Jimmy: "You said this goes away, so what's the time frame on that?"
Mike: "It's different for different people, I suppose."
Jimmy: "For me. When will this be over for me?"
Mike: "Well, here's what's gonna happen. One day, you're gonna wake up, eat your breakfast, brush your teeth, go about your business. Then, sooner or later, you're gonna realize you hadn't thought about it. None of it. And that's the moment you realize you can forget. When you know that's possible, it all gets easier."
Jimmy: "But what about you? Like... what happened out there doesn't bother you?"
Mike: "If they wanted to steal the seven million, it didn't work for me. Not to mention they wanted to shoot you in the head. It was them or it was us, cut and dried. They were in the game."
Jimmy: "What about Fred? From TravelWire. Was he in the game?"
Mike: "No. There was a lot wrong with what happened there."
Jimmy: "Yeah. Lalo. Lalo killed that guy. And for what?! He killed that guy, and we're helping him. All the shit! Just... so he can get out of jail and just get away?"
Mike: "It's not the end of the story."
Jimmy: "Wait a minute. What does that mean? "Not the end of the story," what–what are you saying? Are you saying what I think you're saying? Is something gonna happen to Lalo?"
Mike: "I didn't say that."
Jimmy: "Oh, Jesus! What have I gotten myself involved with here?! Look, just tell me what are you saying is gonna–"
Mike: "Look. We all make our choices. And those choices, they put us on a road. Sometimes those choices seem small, but they put you on the road. You think about getting off... but eventually, you're back on it. And the road we're on led us out to the desert, everything that happened there and straight back to where we are right now. And nothing–nothing–can be done about that. Do you understand that?"
Jimmy: "I can't believe... I can't believe there's like over a billion people on this planet, and the only person I have to talk about this to is you."
―Mike and Jimmy's conversation about the "bad choice road"[src]

Tyrus: "They found the truck, but no sign of Varga. Salamancas have all eyes looking for him, including the federales. Still not picking up his cell, so nobody got a lock on it. Now as for Lalo, still missing. As far as everybody in the cartel is concerned, top to bottom, Lalo is dead."
Mike: "May I offer a thought? If Salamanca was coming straight for you, he'd be here already. We've got guys watching anywhere he might turn up this side of Mexico. Wire taps on any phone he might call. There is not a whiff of him. Now, my guess is he's smart enough to know it's not in the Salamanca family interest to take you out without a reason the bosses can get behind. So, the odds are he's searching for Varga. Finds him alive, gets him to talk. Varga's alone in foreign territory, no one he can trust. The kid's smart, but he's not gonna last. He's gonna get caught."
Gus: "Continue."
Mike: "The best way to handle this: I take four of our best guys, cross the border and track Varga down. Let me find him, bring him back before the Salamancas sweep him up. It's our only play."
Gus: "Varga's father. Bring him here."
Mike: "No. You're not doing that. [locks the door after Tyrus gets his gun out] You don't understand. That's not happening."
Tyrus: "[walks up to Mike and aims gun at him] Just say the word."
Mike: "Whatever happens next... it's not gonna go down the way you think it is. [beat; hears cell phone vibrating] It's him."
Tyrus: "Bullshit. I've been calling Varga for hours. He hasn't picked up once."
Mike: "He's been trying to get me since he left the Salamancas. [opens phone] You want me to answer it? [Tyrus turns to Gus, who nods. Mike answers the phone and speaks to Nacho] Yeah. (...) Yeah. ...Not my call. (...) That's up to you. [to Gus] He wants to talk to you."
―Gus, Mike, and Tyrus discussing the Nacho situation[src]

Nacho: "It's me."
Mike: "Yeah."
Nacho: "You knew. You knew that I was going to Mexico to die, that I was never supposed to make it out of that motel. And you let it happen."
Mike: "Not my call."
Nacho: "What happens now?"
Mike: "That's up to you."
Nacho: "Is that bastard with you? Put him on."
Mike: "Hmm. [to Gus] He wants to talk to you."
Gus: "[takes cell phone from Mike; to Nacho] Yes."
Nacho: "You are screwed. You want the cartel to blame me for Lalo. But if they catch me, and make me talk? Ooh... That is not good for you, is it? Even if I disappear, everyone's gonna smell your stink all over it. The only way that this works for you is with me dead. Alright. Whatever bullshit way you want the story to go, I will make it go. But... I need one thing."
Gus: "Yes?"
Nacho: "My dad. I need to know that he will be safe."
Gus: "If you are true to your word, there will be no reason for anyone to harm your father."
Nacho: "You are not the one that I need to hear it from."
Mike: "Your dad's gonna be okay."
Nacho: "How do you know?"
Mike: "Because anyone who goes after him is gonna have to come through me."
―Nacho calls Mike at an auto repair shop in Mexico while on the run from the Salamancas[src]

Mike: "You happy with the way things went down tonight? 'Cause I'm not. How'd you know Lalo would be at the laundry?"
Gus: "I didn't."
Mike: "Well, the next time you get a wild hair to play detective, tell me. This could have gone down a whole lot different."
Gus: "It could have."
―Mike and Gus' conversation after Lalo's death[src]

"Alright. Here's what's gonna happen: In a few days, Howard Hamlin's car will be found several states away by the water. The odometer will have rolled to the exact number of miles it took to get there. There will be cocaine in the upholstery. That was the story you were setting up for this guy, yeah? They'll call it a suicide, hoping the body will come washing up. It never will. At some point, you're gonna hear about it. Someone calls you, someone at the courthouse mentions it—the moment that happens—you call the cops. His car was here for hours last night. Good chance somebody noticed it. That means you are the last people to see him alive. Cops are gonna want to hear from you. You tell the cops you saw him—he came here, seemed like maybe he was chemically altered, didn't make a lick of sense. Then he left, that's all you know. You keep telling the lie you've been telling."
―Mike telling Jimmy and Kim what to do in the aftermath of Howard's death[src]

Mike: "Now listen, even if this guy was gonna live, I wouldn't go near him. He's a complete amateur."
Saul: "Well, you see an amateur, I see a hundred and seventy pounds of clay ready to be molded."
Mike: "Well if the cancer doesn't get him, it'll be the cops, or a bullet to the head."
Saul: "Is that your appraisal or is that what "He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named" says about him?"
Mike: "He doesn't say anything. The guy's small potatoes."
Saul: "Yeah, okay. I hear you. I just... I got a feeling about this. This Heisenberg guy's got something. It's top of the line product, that's the buzz on the street, and I just think, with the right management..."
Mike: "You know, years ago, I bought a Betamax. Good product. "Top of the line." Experts said it was better than a VHS. Turned out to be a complete waste of time and money."
―Mike warns Saul about doing business with Walter White and Jesse Pinkman.[src]

"March 17th, 1984. The day I took my first bribe. And then I'd go forward. There's some people I'd like to check on in five or ten years, make sure they're doing okay."
―Mike's response to Jimmy's question about where he'd go if he had a time machine.[src]

Breaking Bad[]

"Any other drugs in the house? Think hard. Your freedom depends on it."
―Mike tries to connect to Jesse, in shock after the death of his girlfriend[src]

"You know, Walter, sometimes it doesn't hurt to have someone watching your back."
―Mike taking to Walter after removing the bugs from Walter's house.[src]

Mike: "Walt, you got a good thing going here. We all do. You wanna risk it all on one junkie? Now, I realize you two have a history, but this kid’s been on the bubble a while now. It’s a long time coming."
Walter: "What is?"
Mike: "Um... I used to be a beat cop a long time ago. I’d get called on domestic disputes all the time. Hundreds, probably, over the years. But there was this one guy, this one piece of shit that I will never forget. Gordie. He looked like Bo Svenson. You remember him? Walking Tall? You don’t remember? … Anyway, big boy, 270, 280, but his wife–or whatever she was–his lady–was real small. Like a bird. Wrists like little branches. Anyway, my partner and I’d get called out there every weekend, and one of us would pull her aside and we’d say: “Come on, tonight’s the night we press charges.” And this wasn’t one of those deep down, he loves me setups. We got a lot of those, but not this. This girl was scared. She wasn’t going to cross him. No way, no how. Nothing we could do but pass her off to the EMT’s, put him in a car, drive him downtown, throw him in a drunk tank, he sleeps it off, next morning, out he goes. Back home. But one night, my partner’s out sick, and it’s just me. And the call comes in and it’s the usual crap. Broke her nose in the shower kind of thing. So I cuff him, put him in the car and away we go. Only that night we’re driving into town and this sideways asshole is in my back seat humming “Danny Boy.” And it just rubbed me wrong. So instead of left, I go right, out into nowhere. And I kneel him down and I put my revolver in his mouth and I told him, “This is it. This is how it ends.” And he’s crying, going to the bathroom all over himself. Swearing to God he’s going to leave her alone. Screaming–much as you can with a gun in your mouth. And I told him to be quiet, that I needed to think about what I was going to do here. And of course, he got quiet. Goes still and real quiet. Like a dog waiting for dinner scraps. And we just stood there for a while. Me acting like I’m thinking things over and Prince Charming kneeling in the dirt with shit in his pants. And after a few minutes, I took the gun out of his mouth and I say, “So help me, if you ever touch her again, I will such and such and such and such, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.”"
Walter: "It was just a warning?"
Mike: "Uh huh. Of course. Just trying to do the right thing. But two weeks later, he killed her. Of course. Caved her head in with the base of a Waring blender. We got there, there was so much blood, you could taste the metal. Moral of the story is–I chose a half measure when I should have gone all the way. I’ll never make that mistake again. No more half measures, Walter."
―Mike warning Walter not to take half measures regarding Jesse.[src]

Mike: "Walter, you see us?"
Walter: "Yeah, I see you."
Mike: "I'd like you to exit your vehicle and start walking toward us."
Walter: "And then what? I'm gonna need some some kind of assurance."
Mike: "I assure you I could kill you from way over here, if it makes you feel any better."
―Mike squaring off with Walter on their cellphones.[src]

Mike: "You know I haven't slept since Thursday? I was out all night cleaning up after you. I need my sleep."
Walter: "You said no half measures."
Mike: "Yeah. Funny how words can be so open to interpretation."
―Walter and Mike about the half measures.[src]

Mike: "Now when I say I'm looking for Pinkman, we both know why, don't we? And you pretending otherwise only wastes my time and serves to annoy me."
Saul: "Look, Mike, there are rules to this lawyer thing."
Mike: "Is that right?"
Saul: "Yeah! Attorney-client privilege. I mean, that's a big one. That's something I provide for you. I give up Pinkman, well, then you're gonna be asking, "Ol' Saul gives 'em up pretty easy. What's to keep him from giving me up?" Y'see, so, then where's the trust?"
Mike: "I trust the hole in the desert I'd leave you in."
Saul: "Yeah, that' argument."
Mike: "Saul, don't make me beat you until your legs don't work. Now tell me where to find him. You know it's the right thing."
―Mike persuades Saul to reveal where Jesse is hiding.[src]

Mike: "That $78,000 or so look familiar? This is it?"
Jesse: "That's it. Okay, thanks."
Mike: "You want to know what's next for Little Miss Pissed In His Pants?"
Jesse: "No."
Mike: "You sure now?"
Jesse: "Yep."
Mike: "Don't even want to take a wild guess?"
Jesse: "You're gonna kill him. Is this the part where I'm supposed to beg you not to do it? Aw, please, please. And then what? I'm supposed to promise, cross my heart, to, like, straighten up and fly right or toe the line or some other crap that I'm not gonna say? Is that what your little show here was all about?"
Mike: "You're on thin ice, you little shithead."
―Mike attempts to set Jesse straight.[src]

Mike: "You are not the guy. You're not capable of being the guy. I had a guy but now I don't. You are not the guy."
Jesse: "Then what the hell am I doing here?"
Mike: "I don't know! It's not my call! I just do what I'm told and now you're gonna do what you're told, which is to sit here, shut up, and stay in the car until we finish our pickups! You got it?"
―Mike and Jesse regarding "the guy"[src]

"Keys, scumbag. It’s the universal symbol for keys."
―Mike to Jesse and Walter.[src]

"You know, I can foresee a lot of possible outcomes to this thing, and not a single one of them involves 'Miller Time.'"
―Mike to Jesse, Walter, and Old Joe.[src]

Mike: "Thanks, but no thanks."
Walter: "Mike, I know you don't care for me. We've had our issues, you and I. But, I would suggest that you leave emotion out of this decision."
Mike: "I am. You...are trouble. I'm sorry the kid doesn't see it, but I sure as hell do. You are a time bomb, tick-tick-ticking. And I have no intention of being around for the boom."
―Mike refusing Walter's offer.[src]

"Just because you shot Jesse James... don't make you Jesse James."
―Mike to Walter.[src]

"The next time you bring a gun to a job without telling me, I will stick it up your ass sideways. You understand?"
―Mike chastising Todd[src]

"We had a good thing, you stupid son of a bitch! We had Fring. We had a lab. We had everything we needed, and it all ran like clockwork. You could’ve shut your mouth, cooked, and made as much money as you ever needed. It was perfect. But, no, you just had to blow it up. You and your pride and your ego! You just had to be the man. If you’d done your job, known your place, we’d all be fine right now!"
―Mike's angry rant at Walt.[src]

"Shut the fuck up, and let me die in peace."
―Mike's last words.[src]

El Camino[]

Jesse: "Start over, start fresh, put things right."
Mike: "No. Sorry kid, that's the one thing you can never do."
―Mike's conversation with Jesse during his flashback[src]