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"Dude is standing in front of a meth lab, it's not like he ain't gonna put two and two together!"
―Jesse's response to Walt not wanting to give Saul any details[src]

Jesse: "So. Who's Lalo?"
Saul: "Who?"
Jesse: "Lalo. Thought some dude named Lalo sent us. You seemed pretty freaked out. Never heard of no Lalo on the street."
Saul: "It's nobody."
―Jesse asks about Saul's freakout over Nacho and Lalo.[src]

Jesse: "Hey, yo... Can I bum one of those? Thanks. [gestures towards the rain] What's up with this shit?"
Kim: "Raining."
Jesse: "Yeah. I dunno, it's... It's crazy! Like, bananas, all this rain. I mean, I thought we were, like, in a desert, y'know? You're a lawyer, right? [Kim turns to him] Yeah. I recognize you. You defended my buddy, Combo. Christian Ortega? Juvie court, little baby Jesus? I mean, not like a real baby. Just, uh... y'know, one of those things outside of the... church?"
Kim: "Nativity scene."
Jesse: "Yeah."
Kim: "Knights of Columbus."
Jesse: "I mean, what the hell did he even want that thing for? Huh? I mean, I—I still don't know, dumbass. I told him he could go to hell for stealing something like that. I mean—But did he listen to me? No. But you... You got him off, like, scot-free, that... That was pretty slick, yo!"
Kim: "Well... Tell him I hope he's keeping his nose clean."
Jesse: "Yeah, yeah. Right on. Absolutely. Uh... Hey, so, you having all this expertise and all... This guy, Goodman... [pause] He the real deal? Like, lawyer-wise?"
Kim: "Why do you ask?"
Jesse: "I got a buddy in there who's facing some serious time. I mean, not... y'know, not baby Jesus time, but... but serious. You know, he needs top-shelf legal representation. And I tell him that, right? But, you know, he sees this dude's commercials on TV, and this is where he wants to go. I mean, I tell him, "Yo... Emilio, you know, a funny TV commercial's not a sound... basis for, like, you know... [pause] I mean, like, would you go to a doctor to do, like, an operation on you in, like a... On, like your spleen, or whatever... All on the fact that there was a funny TV commercial? No. I mean, c'mon. How is this any different, y'know?" Anyways... This guy. Any good?"
Kim: "When I knew him, he was."
―Jesse asking Kim Wexler if Saul Goodman is any good.[src]

Breaking Bad[]

"Yo 148, 3-to-the-3-to-the-6-to-the-9. Representin’ the ABQ. What up, biatch? Leave it at the tone!"
―Jesse's former voicemail greeting[src]

Walter: "You lost your partner today. What's his name - Emilio? Emilio is going to prison. The DEA took all your money, your lab. You got nothing. Square one. But you know the business and I know the chemistry. I'm thinking...maybe you and I could partner up."
Jesse: "You, uh...you want to cook crystal meth? You. You and, uh...and me?"
Walter: "That's right. Either that...or I turn you in."
―Walter blackmailing Jesse into cooking meth with him.[src]

Walter: "Look. You skipped, clowned around or otherwise jerked off through every lecture I ever gave. As far as I'm concerned, your chemistry education is over."
Jesse: "Oh okay, be a dick about it."
―Walt to Jesse.[src]

Walter: "Did you learn nothing from my chemistry class?"
Jesse: "No. You flunked me, remember?"
Walter: "No wonder."
Jesse: "Prick! And let me tell you something else. This ain't chemistry – this is art. Cooking is art. And the shit I cook is the bomb, so don't be telling me."
Walter: "The shit you cook is shit. I saw your set-up. Ridiculous. You and I will not make garbage. We will produce a chemically pure and stable product that performs as advertised. No adulterants. No baby formula. No chili powder."
Jesse: "No, no, chili P is my signature!"
Walter: "Not anymore."
―Walter dismayed by Jesse's laboratory and his method of cooking his drug.[src]

Jesse: "This is glass grade. I mean, you got...Jesus, you got crystals in here 2 inches, 3 inches long. This is pure glass. You're a damn artist! This is art, Mr. White!"
Walter: "Actually it's just basic chemistry, but thank you, Jesse. I'm glad it's acceptable."
Jesse: "Acceptable? You're the goddamn Iron Chef! Every jibbhead from here to Timbuktu is going to want a taste!"
―Jesse commenting on the meth Walter cooked.[src]

Jesse: "Hey, no, no. Hey, don't give me that, okay? I held up my end. I already took care of Emilio. You're still diddling around trying to get your nut up."
Walter: "Yeah, well, boo-hoo. I have the truly awful job here."
Jesse: "Oh, you wanna... You wanna talk awful? You wanna go there? Try dragging 200 pounds of stink up a flight of stairs. I barely got him in the bathtub."
Walter: "Bathtub, what? What do mean, bathtub?"
Jesse: "You know, and that's another thing. Why you got me running around town trying to find some stupid piece of plastic when I have a perfectly good tub I can use?"
Walt: "...I’m sorry, what were you asking me? Oh, yes. That stupid plastic container I asked you to buy. You see, hydrofluoric acid won’t eat through plastic. It will however dissolve metal, rock, glass, ceramic. So there’s that."
―Jesse to Walt about the dissolution of Emlio's body, later being informed on hydrofluoric acid after the bathtub incident.[src]

"I got two dudes that turned into raspberry slushie then flushed down my toilet. I can't even take a proper dump in there. I mean, the whole damn house has got to be haunted by now."
―Jesse referencing the dissolving of Emilio and Krazy 8's bodies in the bathtub[src]

Walter: "Let's get something straight. This - the chemistry - is my realm. I am in charge of the cooking. Out there on the street, you deal with that. As far as our customers go, I don't want to know anything about them. I don't need to see them. I don't want to hear from them. I want no interaction with them whatsoever. This operation is you and me, and I'm the silent partner. You got any issues with that?"
Jesse: "Whatever, man."
Walter: "No matter what happens, no more bloodshed. No violence."
―Walter talking to Jesse about their operation.[src]

"I don't know. How about Taco Cabeza? Half the deals I've ever done went down at Taco Cabeza. Nice and public. Open 24 hours. Nobody ever gets shot at Taco Cabeza. Hell, why not the mall? You know, wait at the Gap. "Hey! It's time for the meet!" You know, I'll put down the flat-front khakis, head on over, grab an Orange Julius. Skip the part where psycho lunatic Tuco, you know, comes and steals my drugs and leaves me bleeding to death."
―Jesse suggesting a location to sell methamphetamine.[src]

Jesse: "Four pounds. Four pounds – like two pounds wasn't bad enough. We're talking two – three-hundred boxes of sinus pills. There ain't that many smurfs in the world."
Walter: "We're not going to need pseudoephedrine. We're going to make phenylacetone in a tube furnace, then we're going to use reductive amination to yield methamphetamine. Four pounds."
Jesse: "So no pseudo?"
Walter: "No pseudo."
Jesse: "So you do have a plan! Yeah Mr. White! Yeah science!"
―Jesse and Walt discuss the new chemical process to yield four pounds of meth.[src]

Jesse: "Alright, fine, facts in. Fact A: my phone rang like eight times last night. Dead air, hang-ups everytime. Second fact? Like three in the morning, I saw that black Caddy of his cruising my neighborhood. No headlights."
Walter: "No, if he wanted to kill us, he would have done it at the junkyard."
Jesse: "What is that? Conjecture? Are you basing that on that he's got a normal, healthy brain or something? Did you not see him beat a dude to death for like nothing? And that way, that way he just kept staring at us. Saying, "You're done." You're done?! You wanna know what that means? I will tell you what that means! That means exactly how it sounds, yo! Alright, we are witnesses, we are loose ends! Right now, Tuco's thinking, "Yeah, hey, they cook good meth, but can I trust them?" What happens when he decides "no"?"
―Jesse and Walt discuss Tuco's motives for killing them.[src]

Jesse: "So, you plan to, uh, ice Gonzo, like...future tense?"
Tuco: "What?"
Walter: "You're saying, Tuco, you're saying Gonzo is currently operating as a police informant as far as you know? I'm very sorry to hear that. That's disappointing."
Jesse: "Yeah. I would waste him too, yo."
―Jesse, Tuco, and Walt discuss Gonzo's disappearance.[src]

Jesse: "Yeah, that's the thing, y'know? Your scumbag brother-in-law took my rainy day fund."
Walter: "Your what? What is that?"
Jesse: "My rainy day fund, $68,000, okay? Cue-ball son of a bitch laughed in my face. Now I got, like, 80 bucks to my name."
―Walt and Jesse's conversation about Jesse's money.[src]

"What? Come on! Man, you're smart. You made poison out of beans, yo. Look, we got, we got an entire lab right here. Alright? How about you pick some of these chemicals and mix up some rocket fuel? That way you could just send up a signal flare. Or you make some kind of robot to get us help, or a homing device, or build a new battery, or... Wait. No. What if we just take some stuff off of the RV and build it into something completely different? You know, like a... Like a dune buggy. That way, we can just dune buggy or... What? Hey? What is it? What?"
―Jesse attempting to motivate Walt.[src]

Jesse: "You either run from things or you face them, Mr. White."
Walter: "Now what exactly does that mean?"
Jesse: "I learned it in rehab. It's all about accepting who you really are. I accept who I am."
Walter: "And who are you?"
Jesse: "I'm the bad guy."
―Walt and Jesse's conversation.[src]

Nurse: "Sir, if you'd like to smoke, you need to be another 20 feet from the door."
Jesse: "So roll me further, bitch."
―Jesse being checked out of the hospital after his beating from Hank.[src]

"I took this vo-tech class in high school, woodworking. I took a lot of vo-tech classes, because it was just big jerk-off, but this one time I had this teacher by the name of... Mr... Mr. Pike. I guess he was like a Marine or something before he got old. He was hard hearing. My project for his class was to make this wooden box. You know, like a small, just like a... like a box, you know, to put stuff in. So I wanted to get the thing done as fast as possible. I figured I could cut classes for the rest of the semester and he couldn't flunk me as long as I, you know, made the thing. So I finished it in a couple days. And it looked pretty lame, but it worked. You know, for putting in or whatnot. So when I showed it to Mr. Pike for my grade, he looked at it and said: "Is that the best you can do?" At first I thought to myself "Hell yeah, bitch. Now give me a D and shut up so I can go blaze one with my boys." I don't know. Maybe it was the way he said it, but... it was like he wasn't exactly saying it sucked. He was just asking me honestly, "Is that all you got?" And for some reason, I thought to myself: "Yeah, man, I can do better." So I started from scratch. I made another, then another. And by the end of the semester, by like box number five, I had built this thing. You should have seen it. It was insane. I mean, I built it out of Peruvian walnut with inlaid zebra-wood. It was fitted with pegas, no screws. I sanded it for days, until it was smooth as glass. Then I rubbed all the wood with tung oil so it was rich and dark. It even smelled good. You know, you put nose in it and breathed in, it was... it was perfect."
―Jesse speaking to the group leader.[src]

Walter: "You understand this: you are turning down one and a half million dollars."
Jesse: "I am not turning down the money! I'm turning down you! You get it?! I want nothing to do with you! Ever since I met you, everything I ever cared about is gone! Ruined, turned to shit, dead, ever since I hooked up with the great Heisenberg! I have never been more alone! I have NOTHING! NO ONE! ALRIGHT, IT'S ALL GONE, GET IT? No, no, no, why...why would you get it? What do you even care, as long as you get what you want, right? You don't give a shit about me! You said I was no good. I'm nothing! Why would you want me, huh? You said my meth is inferior, right? Right? Hey! You said my cook was GARBAGE! Hey, screw you, man! Screw you!"
Walter: "Your meth is good, Jesse. As good as mine."
―Jesse, in his hospital bed, upsetly yells at Walt.[src]

"What happens now? I’ll tell you what happens now. Your scumbag brother-in-law is finished. Done. You understand? I will own him when this is over. Every cent he earns, every cent his wife earns is mine. Any place he goes, anywhere he turns, I’m gonna be there grabbing my share. He’ll be scrubbing toilets in Tijuana for pennies and I’ll be standing over him to get my cut. He’ll see me when he wakes up in the morning and when he crawls to sleep in whatever rat hole is left for him after I shred his house down. I will haunt his crusty ass forever until the day he sticks a gun up his mouth and pulls the trigger just to get me out of his head. That’s what happens next."
―Jesse to Walt about Hank[src]

"What good is being an outlaw when you have responsibilities?"
―Jesse to Skinny Pete and Badger[src]

Jesse: "Dude, you scared the shit out of me! When you say it's contamination, I mean... I'm thinking like an Ebola leak or something."
Walter: "Ebola."
Jesse: "Yeah, it's a disease on The Discovery Channel where all your intestines sort of just slip out of your butt."
Walter: "Thank you. I know what Ebola is. Now, tell me. What would a West African virus be doing in our lab?"
Jesse: "So you're chasing around a fly and in your world, I'm the idiot."
―Jesse and Walter about the fly contamination.[src]

""Clear the contaminant?!" We're making meth here, alright? Not space shuttles!"
―Jesse to Walt over his use of the word "contaminant".[src]

"Yo, Gatorade me, bitch."
―Jesse cleaning the Superlab.[src]

"Look, I like making cherry product, but let’s keep it real, alright? We make poison for people who don’t care. We probably have the most unpicky customers in the world."
―Jesse talking to Walt[src]

Group Leader: "We're not here to sit in judgment."
Jesse: "Why not? Why not? Maybe-- Maybe she's right. You know, maybe I should have put it in the paper. Maybe I should have done something different. The thing is, if you just do stuff and nothing happens what's it all mean? What's the point? All right, this whole thing is about self-acceptance. Kicking the hell out of yourself doesn't give meaning to anything. So I should stop judging - and accept?"
Group Leader: "It's a start."
Jesse: "So, no matter what I do, hooray for me because I'm a great guy? It's all good? No matter how many dogs I kill, I just what, do an inventory and accept? I mean, you back your truck over your own kid and you, like, accept? What a load of crap! Hey, Jesse, I know you're in pain. No, y-you know what? Why I'm here in the first place? Is to sell you meth. You're nothing to me but customers! I made you my bitch! You okay with that? Huh? You accept???"
―Jesse denounces himself to the therapy group[src]

"I'm the guy your boss brought here to show you how it's done. And if this is how you run your lab, no wonder. You are lucky he hasn't fired your ass. Now, if you don't want that to happen, I suggest you stop whining like a little bitch and do what I say."
―Jesse confronting Benicio Fuentes[src]

Jesse: "What am I doing here?"
Gus: "I know you have concerns. What happened yesterday to my man at the farm, it was a terrible thing."
Jesse: "Oh, the dude getting his head blown off? Yeah."
Gus: "I have invited you into my home, prepared food, so we could sit and talk. Discuss what's going on in this business. Our business. Like men. And I will explain everything that's happening. I will answer your questions. But first, I need you to answer one question for me: can you cook Walter's formula?"
Jesse: "What?"
Gus: "Walter's formula. Can you produce this product without any help alone?"
Jesse: "No. Why? You asking me if I can cook Mr. White's crystal without him? Me? The junkie loser you were about to waste and dump in the desert a month ago? This your plan, huh? Invite me to your house and make whatever the fuck this is? Be my buddy and make me feel important? Then get me to keep cooking for you after you kill Mr. White? You wanna talk like men? Let's talk like men: you kill Mr. White, you're gonna have to kill me, too!"
Gus: "That is not what I asked you. You are here because circumstances with the Cartel are untenable and I need your help. I need you to help prevent an all-out war. Now, if you would answer the question."
―Jesse and Gus' conversation.[src]

"The Cartel has been messing with Gus' operation, like jacking trucks to like send a message. And yesterday? That dude we brought to the lab? They shot him right in front of me! Just blew his head open! Some sniper nailed him from like a mile away. Anyway, they've been holding off but from between Cartel taking potshots and your brother-in-law trying to throw a net over the whole deal, it's like what you call a rock and a hard place situation. So Gus is gonna cave. So the Cartel wants half of Gus' entire operation and they want your formula. And he's gonna give it to them. Well, I, I gotta give it to them. I mean, I'm supposed to go to Mexico and teach a bunch of Cartel chemists how to cook a batch of blue. Y'know, Gus doesn't trust you so I gotta go! I mean, you're the chemist, man, not me. I mean, let's say I go down and go over there to the jungle or whatever and say they got actual chemists, I mean Cartel chemists, asking me chemistry stuff that I don't know how to answer because I'm not you. And what if all the equipment is in Mexican instead of English? Ugh, I dunno, I dunno, if I mess this up, I am dead. All of us! Mr. White, look, I need your help. OK, maybe you could, uh, could like coach me or something or you could give me some notes. Mr. White?"
―Jesse talking with Walt about Gus.[src]

Walt: "Jesse, why? Why, in God's name, would I poison a child?"
Jesse: "To get back at me! Because I'm helping Gus and this is your way of ripping my heart out before you're dead and gone! Just admit it! Admit what you did! ADMIT IT!"
Walt: "I DID NOT DO THIS!"
Jesse: "SHUT UP! STOP LYING!"
Walt: "I'm not, I'm not lying, Jesse, listen to me, listen to me, what would I have to gain, what possible...possible...who...who would...Oh my God..."
Jesse: "Hey. Stop laughing. STOP LAUGHING!"
Walt: "I have been waiting...I've been waiting all day, waiting for Gus to send one of his men to kill me, and it's you. Who do you know who's OK with using children, Jesse, who do you know? Who's allowed children to be murdered, hm? Gus! He has been ten steps ahead of me at every turn and now the one thing that he needed to finally get rid of me is your consent, and boy he's got that now, he's got it. And not only does he have that, but he manipulated you into pulling the trigger for him."
Jesse: "But only you and I knew about the ricin!"
Walt: "No! You don't even believe that. Gus has cameras everywhere, please. Listen to yourself. No, he's known everything all along. Where were you today? In the lab? And you don't think it's possible that Tyrus lifted the cigarette out of your locker? C'mon! Don't you see? You are the last piece of the puzzle. You are everything that he's wanted. You're his cook now. You're the cook and you have proven you can run a lab without me, and now that cook has reason to kill me. Think about it! It's brilliant! So go ahead, if you think that I am capable of doing this, then go...put a bullet in my head and kill me right now."
―Walt and Jesse's confrontation.[src]

"Yeah, bitch! Magnets, oh!"
―Jesse after his magnet plan is successful.[src]

Walt: "Jesse, you asked me if I was in the meth business or the money business. Neither. I'm in the empire business."
Jesse: "I don't know, Mr. White, is a meth empire really something to be that proud of?"
―Jesse and Walt's conversation over whether Walt was in the meth business or the money business.[src]

"I uh... I eat a lot of frozen stuff... It's usually pretty bad, I mean the pictures are always so awesome, you know? It's like "hell yeah, I'm starved for this lasagna!" and then you nuke it and the cheese gets all scabby on top and it's like... it's like you're eating a scab... I mean, seriously, what's that about? It's like "Yo! What ever happened to truth in advertising?" You know?"
―Jesse attempting to lighten the mood in an awkward dinner.[src]

Jesse: "Would you just, for once, stop working me?"
Walter: "What are you talking about?"
Jesse: "Can you just, uh, stop working me for, like, ten seconds straight? Stop jerking me around?"
Walter: "Jesse, I am not working you."
Jesse: "Yes. Yes, you are. All right? Just drop the whole concerned dad thing and tell me the truth. I mean, you're– you're acting like me leaving town is– is all about me and turning over a new leaf, but it's really– it's really about you. I mean, you need me gone, 'cause your dickhead brother-in-law is never gonna let up. Just say so. Just ask me for a favor. Just tell me you don't give a shit about me, and it's either this– it's either this or you'll kill me the same way you killed Mike. I mean, isn't that what this is all about? Huh? Us meeting way the hell out here? In case I say no? Come on. Just tell me you need this."
―Jesse talking to Walt.[src]

Saul: "He a no-show? Why didn't you call? Why didn't you... [Jesse punches Saul in the face] Stop! [Jesse keeps hitting him] Code Red! Huell! Get in here! [Saul tries to reach for a gun hidden in a drawer, but Jesse grabs it first. Huell and Francesca enter the room, Jesse points the gun at them]"
Jesse: "Back off! You, stay where you are."
Saul: "What? I don't know what happened here. What did I do?"
Jesse: "You stole it off of me. You and him– you took it right out of my pocket, didn't you?"
Saul: "Whoa, whoa, whoa! Calm down. Yes. Okay. I had Huell lift your dope. I told you I couldn't risk the guy not taking you."
Jesse: "No! Before! The cigarette! You stole the cigarette."
Saul: "What?"
Jesse: "The ricin cigarette! You had him steal it off of me! And all for that asshole Mr. White! He poisoned Brock! He poisoned Brock, and you– you helped him!"
Saul: "Okay, Jesse. Calm down."
Jesse: "Say it again! Tell me one more time to calm down! Come on!"
Saul: "I'm sorry. Yes. Okay. I had Huell lift your cigarette, but Walt made me! He told me he was helping you, he was saving you. I never would've agreed to it if I'd known what he was gonna do. Jesse, you gotta believe me. I didn't want any of this!"
―Jesse confronting Saul.[src]

"Look– look, you two guys are just… guys, okay? Mr. White... he's the devil. You know, he is– he is smarter than you, he is luckier than you. Whatever–Whatever you think is supposed to happen– I’m telling you, the exact reverse opposite of that is gonna happen, okay?"
―Jesse talking to Hank and Gomez.[src]

"Yo, I remember this place. This is the very first place we cooked, like, ever. It is, isn't it?"
―Jesse reminding Walt of the first place they cooked meth, moments before his arrest by Hank and Gomez.[src]

"Just kill me now and get it over with, because there's no way I'm doing one more cook for you psycho fucks!"
―Jesse confronting Jack Welker and his men after a failed attempt to escape the compound.[src]

Jesse: "Say the words. Say you want this! Nothing happens until I hear you say it!"
Walter: "I want this."
Jesse: "Then do it yourself."
―Jesse and Walt's last conversation[src]

El Camino[]

Jesse: "Start over, start fresh, put things right."
Mike: "No. Sorry kid, that's the one thing you can never do."
―Mike's conversation with Jesse during his flashback[src]

"Hey, and uh... it's probably too late to say this. I don't know if it'll mean much to you... But you did your best. And whatever happened with me, it's on me. Okay? Nobody else."
―Jesse's last words to his parents.

Todd: "I’ll take that, Jesse. Jesse, I’ll take that. On the way home, I was going to get us some pizza. A couple large pies. Maybe a six-pack of beer? Some ice cold beer. Does that sound good? Because you earned it today. You definitely did. What kind of pizza do you like, Jesse? Jesse, what kind of pizza?"
Jesse: "Pepperoni."
Todd: "Pepperoni. Sure. Classic. I like that too."
―Todd bribes Jesse into not shooting him[src]

Todd: "How do you like my place?"
Jesse: "Uh, yeah, it’s nice. Kind of pastel, but in a good way."
Todd: "Yeah, right? I was thinking of Easter eggs, but lately, I’m thinking I might like to try some new paint. This stuff is starting to feel pretty tired."
Jesse: "Okay. Sure, so, you… Is that why I’m here? You want me to help you paint?"
Todd: "Maybe, yeah. Um, if we have some time left over. But, first, uh…"
Jesse: "Oh, shit! Jesus!"
―Jesse and Todd in Todd's Apartment[src]

"All right. Sean, Kyle, Colin. I know where you live. You tell the cops about me, and I am coming for every goddamn one of you. You understand?"
―Jesse to Sean, Kyle and Colin threatening them to not tell the police about him.

"Look, these people, they have kept me in a concrete hole. Look, I don't even know what month it is. They made me watch when they... when they shot someone..."
―Jesse discussing Jack and his gang with Ed Galbraith

"I was thinking about that thing you said about the universe. Going where the universe takes you? Right on. I think it's a cool philosophy."
―Jesse's last line, to Jane in a flashback
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